Lots of men and women take a holiday abroad only to fall in love with their Mr or Ms Right and everyone back home is keen to warn them of the great cultural divide that occurs when two people of different nationalities get together. The underlying worry is that love will, at first, mask the real cultural differences, but once Cupid’s arrow strikes and you tie the knot what is it really like being married to your Turkish dreamboat?
Samantha and Durmus
Samantha Davies, 30 from Shrewsbury in Shropshire, holidayed in Turkey for the first time back in May 2001. She met and fell in love with Durmus Akca who lived in the small town of Gunlukbasi near the coastal resort of Fethiye, Samantha explains the reaction back home we she told her family that she was staying with Durmus, ‘All of my family were very supportive apart from my father who just seemed to think Durmus was with me for money. I must admit, I did worry about this a bit as you do hear a lot of stories like this about foreign men not just Turkish men, but my Mum said if I didn’t give it a try I might regret it later on in life and now I am glad that I took her advice.’ Samantha found work as a part time rep and also sold micro-light flights. The couple rented a two bedroom apartment in Gunlukbasi for 100 GBP a month and their first daughter Emily was born there. Durmus’ family were natives of Gunlukbasi and they all helped Samantha to settle in. 18 months and had her first daughter Emily there.
Getting Married
The couple stayed in Gunlukbasi for 18 months and Emily was followed four years later by sister Asena and more recently by baby Deniz, but it wasn’t until November 2006, that Samantha finally agreed to marry Durmus even though it flew in the face of his families Muslim beliefs, Samantha reminisces, ‘I never wanted to marry because I have never really seen the point in it and that’s why it took so long, he had to persuade me that it was the right thing to do, and I must admit when we did tie the knot it just felt right.’
The Cultural Divide
Living with your partner or being married is a test for any couple once routine and everyday life sets in but being with someone who is from a different culture can be even tougher, Samantha reveals, ‘Living together was a challenge especially at first as Durmus never wanted to help me around the house or take care of our daughter - all he wanted to do was sleep, which I could understand in some respects as he worked long hours at a hotel bar.’
When Asena was born Samantha suffered post-natal depression, which was something quite alien to Turkish men and Durmus’ reaction was not sympathetic, Samantha says, ‘He said that I’m not the only person to have children and I should just get on with it, obviously I found that very hard to understand and I did actually kick him out after that, I felt that if he wasn’t willing to help out we didn’t need him around!’ Durmus however was starting to realise that life with a Western woman was not the same as with a Turkish girl, but he wasn’t perturbed and begged Samantha to take him back, which she eventually did. The rift proved to be a turning point in the relationship and Durmus started to help out with the children, ‘He is a great father now. He really helped out after the birth of our third daughter Deniz and he says that he wishes his father could have been around for him when he was young.’
Durmus has become more Western in his ways, but there are still cultural issues like his jealousy towards the time Samantha spends with her old girl friends and the way she interacts with men, which makes Durmus very possessive. Yet he has no issues with other aspects of modern life, which normally cause problems in mixed Turkish marriages, like her smoking, having a drink, dressing how she wants or getting a tattoo.
Returning to Turkey
After a few years of living in Turkey, Samantha, Durmus and the girls moved to Samantha’s hometown Shrewsbury, a decision they have come to regret so much that they plan to move back to Turkey this summer. Samantha explains, ‘Everything is much cheaper in Turkey, water is only GBP 7.00 a month, electricity is less than 10 per month and gas is around 10p for a month and a half. Food is at least half of what we pay now in England. The most expensive things in Turkey I found were electrical goods like washing machines and mobile phones.’ Samantha and Durmus find the UK very expensive and with such cheap prices in Turkey it is easy to see why.
Samantha misses so many things about Turkey especially the sun, sea and sand, she recalls, ‘I like everything in Turkey from the hustle and bustle of the markets to the nice quiet calm mornings on the beach, the only thing I disliked is the fact that everyone thinks they can drop into your home no matter whatever time is whether its 6 at night or 1 in the morning and even at that time they expect salads!’ Samantha finds people in the UK so ‘miserable and rude’ and this is such a contrast to Durmus' family who are ‘happy, generous and loving people,’ 
Neither Durmus nor Samantha are happy with the UK education system, Samantha explains why, ‘Turkish schooling is much more superior and productive and the children always seem happy. Neither Emily nor Asena have a problem about going to school in Turkey in fact Emily is so unsettled at her school in the UK, she can’t wait.’ Samantha says, ‘There is very little discipline for children in the UK.’
When the family return to Turkey, Samantha will probably find part-time work child minding as this fits in with her growing family. Durmus either work in his father’s restaurant or get a job in a bar or hotel. The couple plan to live in beautiful Calis in Fethiye. Of course it will be hard leaving family in the UK, but as Samantha points out, Skype and the internet have made the world a smaller place and it is much easier to communicate across the miles and the best thing is that those left behind get some wonderful cheap holidays in the superb Turkish sunshine!
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